Dukes Vineyard - premium wines from the Porongurup Wine Region

Newsletter

THE FREEZER MAN

Dukes Vineyard

Because we're in the country and tradesmen are quite rare,
 we tend to group our jobs for the sparky when he's there
On his most recent visit three jobs were listed down
So he started out to get them done before going back to town

The jobs were done quite quickly and to end the working day
The changes were all ticked off, then he was on his way
And when you know the job is done and lights switch off and on
You just assume it's working when the clever sparky's gone

Located where the sparky worked were things seldom used or spare
And so our visits to the shed were always very rare
It was 8 days afterwards, we'd forgotten the electric job
We went into the shed to find a bit or bob

At first it seemed a rat was dead but the smell intensified
It seemed much worse than that, a snake perhaps had died
As we got closer to the vile and putrid stench
We found that the source of it was near the storage bench

Now farmers all for many years have frozen their bulk meat
You need to store a lot of lamb, it takes a while to eat.
So tucked in the corner of our rarely used old shed 
Was the freezer that we discovered was quite dead

With chops galore and several legs and fish and fishing bait
A combination rare to find in such a sorry state
So the corresponding scent was spread for half a mile
And the reaction of the humans would make a vulture smile.

With face masks and rubber gloves and holding back our gags
The contents were unloaded and stuffed in plastic bags
A hole was dug two metres deep to hold the dreadful brew
And soon the whole disastrous mix into the hole we threw.

A week of disinfecting and airing in the sun
And then we plugged the freezer in and it began to run
It seems the sparky in his haste to do the job with speed
Had accidently NOT reconnected the vital freezer lead

This should end the story but poets can't resist
When closing off a rhyme or two to add a final twist
The local foxes dug right down to excavate that night
And ate with great gusto their gourmet fox delight.

Duke.

 

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